'we would only experience loss when its the departure of a loved one.
but they who departs this earth do not die for us immediately,
but remain bathed in a sort of aura of life
which bears no relation to true immortality
but through which they continue to occupy our thoughts
in the same way as when they were alive .'

and those very words have pierced right through me
i have been sitting on this very chair
finding the right words to say
only to find myself still at lost for words

so here i am , still in shock and in disbelief
and this time , not like the other times
i really dont know what to say

just that i miss you
i think about you
your jokes , your smile, your warmth
how much being with our family means to you
and how much i pray to god to keep you safe in heaven

we fought so hard . YOU fought so hard. it all happen so fast.
you shouldnt have gone this way. its so sad and unfair , you know?
cos its not like we gave up . we fought all the way through.
we sacrificed so much to see you live another day
and we fought with our hearts
all those times we got so upset over your sickness
you were there , as our pilliar of strength, so strong
when you were the one we should have been there for
now you're gone , im so sad

you were so good . why must God take you so soon.
im not angry with God , but like everyone else , we all want answers
usually when we cant have them

i thought i was okay when i didnt cry the whole day .
but i find myself in such grieving pain right now .
so many people have been crying , so many
i just want you to know that .
not because i dontwant you to leave in peace , but i need you to know you meant so much to us
and i dont want you to go

i know i never said that to you . no one did . cos we dint expect you to go so soon . now we have to rise to the occasion and accept this

i miss you . i really do . and i know how much i cry , it wont bring you back , but you must know this, that you were a gd person and your life was very meaningful. you've help this family to soar . and we owe it to you . i honour you . i respect you . and i miss you .

oh God , if your listening to me , tell him we miss him . i miss him so much
i just cant believe that ill never see you again , you know
i just cant beleive i have to depend on pictures to see your face once again
i just cant believe that its beginning to get so painful when i think about you
i know no one would understand how it feels , not when you have not experienced a death of a somewhat a family member , but like someone once said about her experience ,
"its very hard"
now i know exactly how you feel . and you really wished , really wished it hadnt happened . really . i miss you .


oh God . give me strength , give all of us strength to pull through . please .