I cried a whole lot today. I feel so frustrated. Fuck you, those who think this is some other emo post on some bitch's blog.
For once, i really tried to erase that line that has always been between us. Seems like you won't stop your nonsense. I really have no idea of what you really want because I don't know you anymore. It's just us having a label stuck on each other but we're not fulfilling what's supposed to be done. I hate you. I really think I do. Three times, and three times in three fucking years, you took me for granted. Who am i to you right now? Just someone you'd just pick out when life's not going great for you? Or some girl you can just play mind games with when you're bored or take me as a spare tyre?
I've had enough. Don't try to smile at me and think that's going to make me forgive you. Don't try to make up conversations and act as if nothing happened between us and nothing exists for me. Aku manusia juga, penuh dengan perasaan. I hate you.
How can you even try to inverse in a conversation with me and tell me it was nothing. She was nothing. There was nothing. And you bloody said nothing. Then you fucking promise me this, tell me that and do another. I'm not stupid, i am effing not stupid. And don't laugh, it was never funny.
I was so stupid, waiting for what, i dont bloody hell know what i was bloody waiting for. I never could've blamed you. I thought the whole time it was me. I defended you against everyone else. What did i get in return? I got a break-up with a brilliant guy. I had my relationship with some many others broken.
I give up, this time, i really give up on you. I give up on trying to make it happen. I give up waiting. I give up helping you. I give up trying to be nice to you. I give up. I bloody give up on you.
To hell with our bloody attitude which will NEVER change. To hell with you and your girlfriend. To hell with you smiles. To hell with your act of innocence. To hell with you and all my memories of you.
I hope you will get to feel everything that i have endured for the past three years. I hope life would suck for you for three years. I hope those people, those weird people who could only see one in misery, would throw all the criticism and accuse you. I wish and pray that one day, you freaking felt what i felt, you'd change. And till
that day when you realise how much i was worth, you'll come back and apologize. But i promise you, i will never ever be there for you again, ungrateful bastard.
For all those tears i cried for you today, fuck it. I aint going to cry another shit for you. Aku sumpah, lepas ni, aku tak kenal kau lagi. Aku benci kau. BENCI.
Ya Allah, forgive me, but i really wished he'd feel what i felt. Only then, he'll learn.
I don't know how much i can endure any longer. Feels like nothings normal anymore.
Allah, please guide me.
Tomorrow's going to be a better day.
ASSALAMMUALAIKUM.
Labels: Somehow i wish i would take back all my words but i still hate you.