Wawan Soap's Note On National Service:

"When you're in a big auditorium with male shaven heads in a small reclamation land, awaiting to be instruct.
This scene is either hell or army.
Everyone's looks half alive, mostly dead. My mind is, I don't know where yet, but let's just say that the new clock has started ticking.Time set to serve the national service.

Everyone has different opinion on national service.
Everyone just wants to serve and not gaining anything from it. With a year and ten months in their hands, I'm going to make full use of it. I don't want to waste my time.
I can see a lot of "wayang" people already. Attention. That's what everyone is seeking.

What I tell myself is that be mentally prepared, but i know im physically not.
In the first few weeks, I can't cope well with the schedule. Muscle aching everywhere. No time to recover.
Maybe I'm not used to it.
My mind says "Let's Go!", while my body replies "Fuck You".
The commanders keep reminding us
"Endure! you are future leaders to be".
"Where got shagged?"
I reply with a stoned face. Stoned shagged face.

Jump back to months before national service. I still remember the times when my mother always pester me to go jogging. At least, train up a bit of your stamina. Nope. I did not listen. This is what you get for your stubbornness.

It feels like you wanna sneak out of the company line and get on the fast craft back home to Singapore.
Hide inside a turtle shell and never want to go out.

Give me a ticket out of here.
I cannot take it anymore.
Give me some invisibility cloak.
I really cannot take it anymore.
I keep telling myself. I don't deserve this.
No Way Out.
Now I feel like a pussy.

FAMILY

Lonely. I was feeling lonely. Probably, it's the effect of breaking up with someone that you have been for too long.
When I was in a relationship, I really didn't bother much about my family. Treating my house like a hotel.
Checking in and out. Free food. Free shelter. That's how fucked up it is. You only want to give your fullest attention to her. I was having a bit of mental breakdown when I broke up.

Week 3. I suffered a minor back injury which caused me to received 3 days status. Meaning "No Pt". You have to watch pathetically while others train. suffer together. I realize that I'm not going to survive if i keep being injured. I need to train hard. When the 3 days have passed, on the first day, it was Speed Training.

The injury returned.
My backbone feels like its going to break.
Honestly, in this type of situation, i rarely cry. But I did. I cried. Its been years since i cried.
My section mates gathered around me. Trying to cheer me up. I feel seriously like a small kid who lost its way.
I called up home. Mom picked up. I broke down again. Telling her how disappointed I was with myself.
Her words of comfort. It made me realize how my family were always there to support me. They were always there for me.
It was only me. I was stupidly slow to notice after these years. I was depressed that I had to watch my company train while I did nothing.
They were putting in much effort. I don't want to be sitting here. I dont want to be looking like a "keng".

Words of advice: Family is will always be family. Your girlfriends, ex or either friends wont be there for you forever.
Value your family.

The 7 SAF CORE VALUE.
Loyalty to country. Leadership. Discipline. Professionalism. Fighting Spirit. Ethics. Care for soldiers

Field camp.
I can summarize the experience by expressing in a minimum number of words.
8km March. I almost died there. Struggled.
Luckily, there was my platoon to help me out.
Shell scrape. Hours of digging.
Raining. Muddy. Wet. Cold. Tired. Shagged. Can't Sleep.
Lit up a fire. Gather some people.
Complaining how cold the weather is.

Punishment.
Leopard crawled in the mud.
Jumping Jacks in the mud
Push ups in the mud.
Crunches in the mud.
More and more mud.
And it's like they want us to love the mud so much. Interact with the mud. Make love with it.

The letter during field camp.
I cried again. Holding on the letter with small colorful drawn heart shapes.
I miss my family. I miss my niece and nephews. Those small kids. Cuteness.

This is how our lives were supposed to turn out.
You will realize how much it will change your bloody life.
They put us in a situation where we are homeless with no loved ones.
Like the song goes "With my rifle and buddy and me"
I feel like I was in the war. Surviving. Defending our country.
The forest feels like the devastation of wars.
The broken roots. Fallen trees. Lonely leaves.
Imagine if those were destroyed buildings. Lost of loved ones. Lonely souls.

That's when I realize that I need to step up.
I need to endure.
I need to work hard.
I want to prove to myself.
I need to protect my love ones.
I can't be in this status mode if I want to defend them.
What if there was actually a war, am I going to runaway?
There is certain rules that must keep in mind
Not the rules about being fair and honest.
Rules about protecting your family from poverty and disease.

Who I was before national service is just a story now.
Everything before now, before now, is just a story I carry around. I guess that would apply to anybody in the world.
What I need is a new story about who I am. I am a soldier. I am here to protect my loved ones. I am here to defend my country. "