You know, people think that just because I'm happy, have a boyfriend, have a great family and awesome friends, means there's nothing I'm envious of.

I don't need to have pretty friends or rich best friends. I don't need to have a popular close friend or a cool friend. I just need someone who would mean the whole world to me, and how i wished, whoever the person may be, would take me the same.

It's been two, two long and very sad years. Everytime I see LR, I see my best friends clouding around me. I see the most precious things on earth. I see my three valued friends who I know, are worth all my life. LR was the start of my secondary school life, the start of my growing up years. I know that though sometimes we might dislike each other, we never stop loving on another.

The sad thing is, this relationship, is much stronger with Mira and Ashhy. Between the both of them. They laugh with each other, joke around with each other, tell secrets and they understand each other to the fullest. No matter how long Mira and me have known each other, that 9 years are not enough to build such a strong bond, of what they have.

For two years, I never stopped envying them. I was so jealous. I kept thinking, why, why cant all of us have that. Why cant i have it with someone too? Why? Sometimes, they would only want each other and not me with them. I'd feel so unappreciated.

When I'm with Ashhy during camp, i would hear her speak about Mira, how she misses Mira and how much Mira is so nice and such. I'd feel a little lost, like i wouldn't know how to feel. And when I was with Mira, she would tell me how they day sucked cause Ashhy wasn't around. And she would tell me how lonely she was without Ashhy. This time, I felt angry, angry at the fact that it was as though, i was never there.

I felt like they were so much closer to each other than to me. Emy on the other hand, would come and go, come and go, and come and go. I never ALWAYS got close to her. That was why, i was always with Emy. Because i was so jealous.

Now, Emy's not here. And I'm always stuck with Ashhy and Mira, i'd refuse to go to netball. Because they're much closer to each other and I'm always left out. I hate it when they do that, really.

I miss Emy, i wish i had a best friend i could share my sorrows and joy with.

No, actually, i do have someone. I just want LR's relationship to strengthen and be like how Mira and Ashhy's is.

I wish I could be less immature and grow up from this problem. But i can't, friends mean the world to me.

While everyone's alseep, I like to think of my problems. 

Goodnight.